When Life Is Really Hard

It’s been a while since I last wrote.

This year has had some incredibly challenging moments. From health challenges, to periods of complete apathy towards everything that’s important to me, to heartbreak, to the type of anxiety I hadn’t felt since I was 20 years old.

I felt like I was being put through the wringer. Just when I took a breath, another rinse cycle would come through, bringing up the sh*t so it could get wrung out again.

There is of course so much benefit to this. So much inquisition that can happen in the hard moments where you ask yourself, “what am I going to do with this? how can I alchemize the pain into empowerment, strength, confidence, grace? who do I want to be as I move forward? what’s no longer useful to feel and believe?”

The past few months, as the sun has shown itself to me – quite literally here in hot, hot Texas – I’ve been in a very tender cocoon. Where I’m integrating all that has been let go, noticing the true and real parts of me that are left over and fully stepping into the next version of myself.

A major cause of much of my pain over the year has been the dissonance of expectation vs. reality. Why doesn’t this situation look the way I thought it would? And if it doesn’t, maybe it never will? And if it never will, then what’s the point?

This is a dangerous path to follow and I am not immune to falling down this rabbit hole.

Life is full of uncertainty and that’s what can make it so painful, but also incredibly magical, where some of the most beautiful gifts are delivered to you by surprise. Some of those gifts are even painful before you realize how wonderful they actually are. We wouldn’t want to give up this uncertainty.

So how do we decrease the dissonance of expectation vs. reality, while still striving for all that we want to create? How do we trust the timing of the actualization of our visions?

In Tony Robbin’s documentary he says, “we overestimate what we can accomplish in a year, and underestimate when we can accomplish in a couple of decades.”

This thought gives me a breath of fresh air when I want what I want and I want it now.

If my New York Times Best Seller comes out when I’m 50 or 60, I’m okay with that. If my greatest piece of writing doesn’t leave my finger tips until I’m 80, then it will be worth the wait.

I have been re-evaluating what it means for me to Create Happy. Going deeper into the process of remaining right here, right now, not back then, or out there.

I have said a million times happiness is here, not there, and I still forget. So I have come back to the basics.

Cultivate presence.
Take consistent action towards what I want despite the excuses and the fear.
Appreciate the shit out of life and everyone in it.
Make time for what matters.

In this moment I know that I am here, I am growing, I am moving forward, and I am in love with the richness of life.

Circumstance cannot shift this. This type of happiness has roots and they are so worth growing.



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