Am I Destined to Suffer? (No, and Here’s How To Heal)

When you can see the gift in the most traumatic of circumstances, you are truly free. -Tony Robbins

I put an emergency text out to my favorite astrologer, “I’m genuinely curious, am I destined to suffer??”

I was in the thick of pure emotion.

“No no no, of course not” she answered, recollecting my entire birth chart from her mind’s filing cabinets like a true savant, “but you DO constantly feel like you are dying and being reborn anew, dying and being reborn anew.”

Okay, that makes sense, I thought. All I remembered was something about my astrological “comfort zone” including chaos, trauma, and emotion and I was scared that I would consistently be put back in that place for what felt like, no good reason.

Yet, death and rebirth, I can work with. It will include pain, which is an inevitable part of life, but not necessarily prolonged suffering. That’s my choice in the matter. I have a choice; you always have a choice.

If choosing not to suffer is the choice, the result will be an incredible amount of growth and larger capacity for joy. And that is something I’ve experienced countless times before and continue to experience.

That’s ultimately why I’m here, writing to you about happiness. I’ve had to work for happiness and choose it every moment of every day since a very young age. It has never quite been handed to me circumstantially. What I have been given is the gift to see the gift in every moment.

When I sent that text, I was in the “dying” phase, where I had momentarily forgotten that the clouds will always open up and the sun will always come out shining asking,

What have you learned here? What’s the gift? What part of you can finally be healed and reborn?

A Course in Miracles says, “every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity to heal.”

Jen, my astrologer, continued, “Everyone on this earth has one destiny and that is to find joy, peace, love and happiness. No one is destined to suffer.” Yes, yes, yes. Even after years of knowing this and years of helping people remember the same, I had a moment of forgetting. So I am here to remind you, in case you’ve forgotten, too.

There is always an opportunity for love and happiness. Always. Once we realize that every moment is working FOR our happiness, we can take an honest look and ask, how can I use this to heal? To expand? To be happier?

How To Heal What Needs Healing

I want to take a step back here to emphasize how important it is to take as much time as you need to clear out the gunk. It is essential to process and release your feelings so you don’t hold onto the pain physically. Trying to find a gift within a painful situation while you’re in the thick of it isn’t always helpful or healthy. In fact, it often causes more pain. Think about all those times someone told you, “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” or “at least they’re in a better place” while you were still grieving. So not helpful! If it feels like you’re forcing it, then give it some time. Cry, process, and be sad for as long as you need to. 

When you hear that still, small voice beckoning for happiness, then you can move forward.

Remember: you are not your mind, you are the observer of your mind. When a painful situation plays out, pay very close attention to your mind. What’s the story your mind is telling?

“Story” being the operative word. Stories include an angle, stories include an opinion. Stories are innately subjective.

Luckily, painful situations have a way of pulling out every story we’ve ever told ourselves and making sure we hear them LOUD AND CLEAR. If you can clearly identify the story that your mind is playing out, then you have the opportunity to change it.

While the actual events of our lives can’t change, we can change the meaning we place on the events. We can always change the angle of the story. What this gives you is the opportunity to be in control of your experience of life.

The disempowering story often goes something like this, “Because this situation happened,

  • I am… unworthy, not good enough, unlovable, incapable, etc.
  • They… don’t love me, don’t listen to me, don’t understand me, etc.
  • Life is… unfair, crappy, harsh, etc.
  • The world/Universe/God… forgot me, doesn’t love me, isn’t there for me, etc.

Every fiber of your being may believe this story, but it’s simply not true. Your mind is not designed to make you happy, it’s designed to keep you safe. You, the you that observes your thoughts, have to make the choice to be happy.

When you hear your mind playing out the story, it will often feel very familiar, recognizable. You will probably be able to identify a dozen past situations that made you feel the exact same way. We all have those fallback scenarios that we tend to live out over and over again. If it feels like, “here we go again,” that’s when you know it’s a story, not the truth.

Happiness says, I recognize that this pattern has caused me pain again and again and I’m ready to change it.

The next step is to literally write a new story and ask yourself,

What do I want to believe here?

What would allow me to take the most empowering steps forward?

What would make me happy?

“I’m unlovable, I’m not enough, and I will never have what I want”, can turn into, “I trust that this situation is playing out for my highest good. I am perfect and whole as I am and I CAN have exactly what I want. I am worthy of all that I desire.”

From here it’s time to find evidence that your new story is true. You can prove any story true if you truly wanted to, it might as well be the empowering one, the one that has the capacity to positively affect the world.

Using the above example, see all the ways in which life guided you away from bad situations you thought were good. See all of your positive qualities. See how you’ve attracted so many things into your life that you might be taking for granted. Be diligent about where you place your focus.

When you allow your mind to take hold of a new empowering story, your world will open up. This is how we create what we want.

If you’re not experiencing or moving towards the love, money, health, or peace you desire it’s because you’re living from the old story.

Life is a process of continually healing our old stories and re-writing them so we can live the life we were born to lead.

For more help through this process I’m offering free 20 minute healing sessions where we can get clear on the story that may be stopping you from living the life you were born to live. This level of awareness can be life-changing.

I’m opening up 10 spots for these healing session for the next two weeks. This will be a no pitch zone. If we want to work privately together, we’ll set up another call to explore that option.

To schedule a free 20 minute healing session so you can identify the stories preventing you from living out the life you dream of, click here.

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